Hello, citizens of Earth. As First Mate on Captain Cosmonkey’s ship and Right Hand Dog to the monkey himself, let me say thank you for agreeing to let us return to your fair planet and for settling on an amicable agreement between our “terrestrially challenged” group and your governments. I would also like to take my blogging space to apologize for any and all posts made by our good Captain, here and in the future. He tends to type first and think later. Any views expressed by the Captain must be taken as those of a mind rattled by what I would like to call “Space Madness” until another appropriate medical term can be agreed upon. The Captain is a passionate and aggressive commander, and one who is not accustomed to your social graces. He is hyper-intelligent by most standards, but he is also very much a monkey, with the blood of his primitive ancestors coursing through his veins. Any complaints you may have about Captain Cosmonkey’s actions or statements can be directed to me, and I will do my best to address your concerns.
And after the infamous moments on the red carpet of the Golden Globes, let me be clear that it was never anyone’s intention to give the Captain that much alcohol prior to our arrival, nor did we understand the commonly held rules about firearms dictated by your Earth society. The damages were paid for, and Dame Judy Dench is resting quite comfortably, I’m told. Our apologies to her and her entourage.